i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
