Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
