She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it hurts more in the daytime
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
