Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
