I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
