My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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