Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
