coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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