Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
