i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
