he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
