I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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