Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
