sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
