i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
