I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
