but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
