Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
