I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My penis needs a shock collar
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
