From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
