It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
