She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize