You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
