My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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