part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
