Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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