I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
