He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
