he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
