It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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