Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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