How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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