it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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