I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
