drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
