it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
