man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
