I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
