the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
