I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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