if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
