We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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