I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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