He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
