He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
