All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
