if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
