OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
