Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
