Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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