We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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