quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
