the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
