I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
