You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
