he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
