During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dicks are not precious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
