Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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