I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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