how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
