So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
