I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
