Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
