Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
