No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I want a musical about memes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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