i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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