There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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