We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
