it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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