dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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