Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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