fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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