i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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