ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
