I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
